Ego and the divide

I have come across significant ego conflicts in my dealings with people.

The conflicts outside the family impact little. Someone trying to park his car in the same spot that I was vying for and an argument that ensues where none want to back out, is a minor conflict of ego. Doesn't harm, except a bout of anger and translates to a day's gossip with well wishers.

Conflicts with a boss cost dearly. It could cost you the next promotion, cost u an entitled coveted tittle of some sorts or a well deserved praise. You might be right and yet the forces work against you to proved you wrong. You are duped. But the good news is you have a choice. A choice of a change. Harms grossly, triggers unwanted stress and translates to superficial changes (a change of job,profile, location) for a while.

Conflict with family. That one is interesting. An extended relative and what he thinks matters little to none, yet it can have it's own majorly stressful consequences when allowed to translate incorrectly to represent your position. Harms momentarily a social image, causes stress and translates to a family feud of some sorts.

Conflict with parents or siblings is phenomenally heart breaking. Its a conflict of belief systems, anger of being misunderstood by your own and results in a temporary rebellion to do your own thing in life. Yet a family is one concept you come around with eventually. At the end of the day, you would need them more than anyone else and they would be there to support your cause irrespective. Yet the rebellions cause immense drain of energy and sometimes decisions that cost u a lifetime.

Conflict with a loved one, your other half. If you are in a relationship, depending on whether he/she is a friend or a fiancee, depending on how serious you are about your feelings and relationships, these things take forever to heal. Maybe if u have a face to face battle to clear things out openly, there are chances you will heal eventually. If you haven't done that, you are doomed for quite a while, undergoing cyclical up and downs ; love and hate; want and confused times. If you are married and separated, things take forever. Its the hardest form of conflict and separation.

Conflict with your kids. Multiple types of conflicts start from the time they are born till the time they grow up through school , university, girlfriends, family and mid age. Probably after that they align with you in the cycle of interpreting and reacting to conflicts.

So yes conflicts exist for everyone. All types, ages, sex, colour, intensity.

What is the best way to deal with conflict ? Irrespective , my two cents:

1. Be interested in resolving the conflict in your best interest and with your best intentions. For which you obviously have to interpret your interest and pay attention to your need to resolve it.
2. Intentions are conveyed very easily with small Lil actions and given away as easily too. Other people read and interpret intentions through what u do and don't say. Hence if you have decided on your intention, its gonna get communicated either way, no matter what.
3. If you care for the other party involved, never let ego ruin and grow the divide. You would be hit just as bad if it happens. Remember you are involved and you care, your ego is your own enemy.
4. Learn to manipulate and interpret your ego. Its a friend when u deal with your enemy and need to be guarded. Its an enemy when u deal with your own. It harms your cause more than it helps it.
5. Be honest to yourself about what u want from the situation. So analyse honestly. And act accordingly. Most times honest ways are hard ways. It does not mean sacrifice and suffer. That is stupid. There is no such thing as sacrifice. Sacrifice is a way to excuse yourself on the pretext of morality. It yet says ' you are confused ' or 'you didn't truly want it'
6. Human mind manipulates and is capable of self defense in any form. Control the righteousness of the response, be human, be brave, be honest, be righteous but be righteously selfish. Don't harm and fool anyone. Don't fool yourself.