Snowing hard

It's snowing, must be about 8" outside. It is beautiful.

The white soft snow covering tapered rooftops, the snowflakes that shimmer in the light of the lamp post, the light outside the house reflecting in the night, the sheer serenity, the realization of the power and miracles of nature, the transformation post the fall sheer of red, orange and yellow.

I don't have snow boots yet :) Will buy a cheap fake and run trench through the soft white piles or sled tomorrow.

Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes

Brown paper packages, tied up with string

These are a few of my favourite things

Conversation died when laptops were invented

A lil' world of your own at your fingertips. It can't get better.

And it can't get worse. Two people in the same room, in their own world.

What did people do when there were no laptops and the sharp crisp keypad strikes did not resonate to make ourselves feel good about our intelligence and capabilities.

Maybe they shared a newspaper moment, maybe tea, maybe gossip, maybe TV but they shared a moment. This laptop domain is an isolated bubble of the while screen ahead and the black keyboard that pronounces miracles.

Friends and Folk alike

A couple of my friends have told me that my blog is not reading my normal self. They hope my struggles will end and I will be my chirpy self again. Thanks for all the concern :)

Very nice of u

Love like u have never been hurt

It's such a beautiful thing to write. Even if someone makes it difficult, just do your bit.

Love is the greatest bliss in life. The sharpest pain. But there is no life without it.

An evening walk and a realization

Its amazing how little time we have for ourselves in a 24 hr day. Sometimes as little as 5 minutes.

And i increasingly have started realizing the importance and merit of inculcating some self time.

Between getting up, getting my kid up to daycare, work, an evening of pick ups and getting dinner served, I realized that i really have no time to think or sit back for 5 minutes and really relish the joys of working so hard and creating a life for myself.

I went for a half hour walk today out with lil 'A. He loved it as much as i did. And we saw the grass, smelled the flowers, the pines after the fresh rain, petted a Yorkie named Java and saw some kids play on the slides. As i saw lil' A playing on the swings, I realized how much of good having siblings would do him. The security of a playmate , a confidant, another sibling !!!! Yes , a thought that i put away all the time. I realized sitting there and saw in my minds eye, three kids for myself. It was a very pleasant thought.

Life has run too fast till now. Kinda of really fast.... but i really want to take some time out and start to relish everything. Everything that i am so equipped and inclined to admire and breath in.

A good feeling yet mixed

Have u ever got this feeling that things are going great in life. Thank God. But I haven't really planned long term. And then the fear of not having planned.

Sitting in Sweetwaters cafe

I like the name. Sweetwaters. It's a chic looking brick walled warmly lit coffee shop in Ann Arbor. As sweet as the name of the town, as slick i think is the name of the coffee shop. Sitting and wondering about life in between preparing for an exam. Basically reading and dreaming, and therefore not registering anything. My friend has declared me failing the exam. So i might as well spend time updating my blog.

Sitting around and wondering about life's intricacies as they surround me. I look back and i really haven't changed much. Quintessentially I am quite the same girl I was in college. But so much has changed on the forefront.

It is sad to think about heartbreaks, relationships that are long left behind in the matter of context and time but yet so fresh in my memory, the simple things that make life so beautiful, the genuinely happy moments, the friendships that have stood the test of time and grits of realizations, places around the world I have been to in the last 8 years, so many things have changed and yet not changed. Yet not really changed about me. Sad to an extend, good to an extend.

Sitting around, looking at people. Each face, a different story. Each coffee table, a different vibe. So many young kids in this university town and a realization that they are just starting out in life. Some old couples. Some middle aged folks. Interesting to see so many stories, personalities, literally looking a different story. And in the middle of all this, my life and my story. Just sitting and thinking in a coffee shop on a Friday night , with a book, a laptop , a phone, a cup of coffee and hundreds of thoughts that fill me up.

Lonliness and its myraid forms

• Sitting in a pub full of a loud crowd, totally aloof
• Sitting around your family, totally absolved
• Talking to your most cherished acquaintance, hurt and defensive
• Sitting in a lonely house, Sunday afternoon
• Growing up with big dreams, disastrous decisions
• Maturity that never blessed
• Two people in a house, just a routine ritual
• Siblings that never touch the truth of each other's lives
• Grandparents waiting for their grand kids to show up
• Mac Donald's every 6 pm
• A long drive on winding roads, doesn't matter what the scenery is
• A wait, an expectation, dependency that is just your end
• Your evening date waiting for u to take the tab and pay for your coffee
• A smile that never reaches your eyes
• No twinkle and sparkle in a discussion
• A swan that lost her partner
• The grey winter evenings
• Borders and endless cups of coffee
• The growing old age homes

Depressing, so depressing.

Love and its myraid forms

• I love the red paint on my bedroom walls and the white cushions that offset the black-brown veneer on the bed
• I love a maintained garden full of blooms and a lush green carpet of grass
• I love the bright blue sky with a few nimbus floats, blowing in the wind like soft cotton balls
• I love a neat house with everything in its place
• I love a black RAV 4 with spotless interiors
• I love a wooden coffee table with books thrown around
• I love white upholstery with a touch of spring
• I love diamond set in platinum
• I love the new Sony Bravia against a green pastel wall
• I love the feeling of independence and the freedom of expression
• I love democracy
• I love white sand with gentle waves
• I love the bright colors of the Caribbean fish
• I love the white sails of a yatch in placid blue
• I love a white summer dress
• I love a flower basket with blooms to decorate a front porch
• I love guys with spiky hair (on their head! They could fake it with a gel, doesn't matter)
• I love cotton to be crisp
• I love gol gappe with tamarind chutney
• I love my son and the miracle of being a mom
• I love to be in love. It's the one feeling that makes me feel alive.
• I love charcoal on paper
• I love wooden benches offsetting the city skyline in the background
• I love a wood fired pizza
• I love shrimp scampi
• I love faith in humanity
• I love a house that feels like a home
• I love the Indian culture. It's what makes me
• I love the pride, pain and lust in love
• I love endless rolling plains with old oak trees
• I love the rain and the smell of wet mud
• I love to work passionate
• I love to live passionate
• I love to hate weakness of character
• I love green long raisins with almonds
• I love ginger lemon tea
• I love desi chai
• I love margaritas
• I love silk Persian carpets
• I love the simple commitment of an engagement ring on a man's hand
• I love to take pictures of simple moments and interactions
• I love to dream
• I love Indian antiques
• I love kundan jewellery with precious stones
• I love the enthusiasm a child brings to an adults life
• I love hot coffee in a warm chic cafe
• I love a mac book
• I love my iPhone

• I love life simple , full of beauty and love

Memory Frames

I am browsing through some most precious memories of my life ... a lifetime in a slideshow of 10 minutes. Sometimes i wonder if this even happened. Thank God for the miracles and thanks to technolgy for letting me capture and re-run the snippets :)

Sometimes it's important to run through and touch base with the past... to relish that past, be grateful for the present, acknowledge past mistakes and Thank God that he yet took care of u and kept u going.

All captured in essence through clicks that made it to the little memory frames....

Diamonds are a girls best friend

Whoever coined this , was the dumbest of them all.

This is a stereotypical male response to a girl's desire. Desire for love, life, partnership and adequacy.

A life with a job and just all around it

I am sitting in office and I just cannot stop thinking...

At the end of the day, if i did not have a lure of a position of becoming a Managing Director of some company or a partner in a consulting company, would everyday be as interesting and charged up. If all of us were not in this corporate race, would life be as satisfying.

I was looking out for a job till last month and the criteria was never money. Strange as it may sound, it is true. But then I spend 8 hours of work, 2 hours of travelling and another 2 hours of thinking about work. Of the 16 hrs of awake time, I spend 12 hours at work. With the other 4 hours, I manage my daily life. Wasn't that supposed to be equally or more important! So when work is forming so much a matter of our existence, what would life be bereft of it or any motivation in it.


Its funny. And then u wonder, if I spend so much time working, how do i commend myself at it. Obviously, with the amount of money I make and the position I role play. So how could money not count for me. But it doesn't as of now. I am 32, have spent so much time working for the fun of it, for what i like doing, but imagine 12 hrs per day for 8 years, and not being bothered about money. And when life paces up, age catches on, I would want the same money. When other distractions of dresses, shoes , cosmetics, fade away, and it becomes only about security....


Different stages in life, different needs and different aspirations. Just thinking .....

Sitting at 12 am in front of a blank computer screen

How does that feel... hundreds of thoughts cross my mind but i just don't feel like blogging them. Sometimes it better to just think.

Peverts!

Have you come across relatives and friends jealous of you like crazy, stinking jealously, unabashed display of it and a uncomfortable wave it generates. I have a couple of times in life. At different stages in life.

Earlier my response used to be to tone down my display and make the other person comfortable. But that yet left me uncomfortable and upset in my dealings.

Now my response would be to cut that person out of my communication circle. Because precisely that is healthy. Keep away from people who unnerve you , not because you cannot make them comfortable but because they will at every given opportunity make you uncomfortable. Cut away anyone , who in the disguise of a relation, blackmails you, cheats you, threatens your believes, is not happy to see you happy or is plain jealous , most of the times without a cause.

Trivial as it may sound, i remember when me and my sister got enrolled into engineering colleges, how an old time friend of my parents stopped correspondence with us because he had been desperately trying to get his kids into a similar college.

Another time, how a relative 30 years elder to me would refuse to correspond to my mails of a general 'How are you variety', because he had some pre convoluted views he could not deal with and which he never cared to discuss.

What fun is it to feed egos that continue to hurt you. I guess strength of character is in taking the first step to resolve issues, show people matter and do it with a very open heart. Give it multiple attempts. But when it starts to prick you as illogical and pervert, stop. Just cut it out because it is not worth pursuing if it hurts your ego after a while.

Many will try and pull you down in life. Not because you deserve it or have done anything to get the wrath. But sometimes because they haven't been able to deal with something and wish to take it out on you.

Logic it. I say ... ego apart... emotions first, people first. Yet infliction to your sanity, self esteem, should never be tolerated. NEVER.

Spirit Airlines and their 1$ fares

Could not get better. It's showing a three dollar fare to / from NYC.

Then their is Puerto Rico for 8$ from Florida. Hawaii, Mexico, Orlando and about 9 other destinations.

Whatever is up. This is the third email from Spirit advertising horribly lowwwwwwwwwwwwww fares in a week.

Who said you need money to travel anymore. You just need Spirit!!!!

Disowing my cell phone

It is like parting with a very personnel thing. It's how my dad felt when I took on his Maruti 800 and then royally rogered a well maintained car to a teenager's damaged haven. How when i returned my first car from work or sold my first self bought car. There is a weird attachment. Logically it is an inanimate object with no feelings but the personalisation of the same and the comfort of owing it as yours, makes the parting so tough.

I like my Samsung black little phone, which is all bashed up. Not a great model but sturdy. It's survived a zillion times I have dropped it, My son has rogered it, its scratched. But today when I have to make a choice between this phone and a swanky Motrola RAZR and logically i rather keep the later, I feel I really like this one. After all it's mine.

To get down to the practical stats too, you know what, It is so difficult to de-personalise cell phones. Photos I can manage, but messages that I don't want to erase, voice mails I want to keep forever. Small little things. OK getting down like a Kasai, down to de-personalisation and looking forward to the new thing. Funny how blogging seems to put most matters to rest and one can just get on... read it over... realise its taken care of....yes you did feel like this... but this is what you need to do and you move on. That by the way, is about blogging in general. I really haven't gotten as wonky as to write this about a phone!!!! :)))

Laptop - The new face of companionship

I was at Sweetwaters cafe, my recess downtown Ann Arbor, privy amongst the hoards of people who swarmed the place. I was sitting there on a couch, with every conceivable spot taken by either a student from the Michigan university or an old man or an old couple enagaged in deep conversation. And in all this noise and clamour, I sat , my animus intact in concentration. It gives me a strange comfort to self analyse with secrecy my thoughts in this chaotic abuzz.

But while i sat there couldn't help notice that every table had a laptop or a book, depending on if you were the young or the old lot. 90% were with laptops and nothing around mattered. The laptop would give them company for as long as they wanted. Google search, blogs, research articles, general stuff would just keep them going with the free wireless on offer. And I suddenly realised how we have learnt to seclude ourselves from people. How gadgets are finally our best friends, reliable and at disposal without a hassle. How if there was no laptop, 60% of our times at work would be spent quite futile. How in a crowd , we can learn to be alone with a companionship that is rather interesting, very absorbing and encompassing.

Better than it sounds

Chocolates. The Europeans know what they are talking about here. I can vouch for it. The Cadbury's Milk and whole nut chocolates, the Kit Kat, the Snickers, After eight.... are just how a chocolate is meant to be. Dreamy, smooth, chocolicious. OK I am completely carried away. I am craving for one as i write this article.

I wish i could be in London, shopping an overloaded cart of only chocolates.

The Belgians know how to make it. The Swiss know how to play it. The Americans can't even dope it.

OK. No more chocolate buys from America. :)) I need to import my needs.

Tony Blair and a send off at 10 Downing Street

Few politicians in today's time evoke a feeling of loyalty. I always felt Tony Blair as a very capable PM for Britain. The Iraq war tarnished his image. Even in this farewell speech he states that he feels sorry that so many soldiers had to suffer against this fight to restore world peace but that he was never sorry that he supported the war. On a large scale of things, a response back to fight terrorism was required. The world can't sit and watch and let the dirty minds take control and cause hedonist waves of tension and rule terror in the minds. Someone had to take the step. So yes, a war was justified. But should the target have been Iraq and that is where it became debatable. Iraq had too many interest points on the political and economist strategy that made it debatable. And then the fact that the war got so prolonged. There was no solution envisioned and the bombardment to a land of innocent victims made sympathy waves rise worldwide.

That said, I like Tony Blair. That family image of a clean politician. I felt a touchy feeling seeing him wave off from his decade old residence at 10 Downing.

And we live each day, as if nothing matters !

Leigh is busy reading the Detroit Press. There are more alarming global issues that need to be addressed, than the number of visitors on the Banana Republic site during peak sale time.
I: Look at this picture !

L: (Leigh is alarmed) Your fuel tank is running empty again !

I : This is the world's fuel tank Leigh. (disgusted) It's running empty.

L: Oh! I always miss the big picture. (back to the stupid article he was on)

So rightly said Leigh, the whole world misses the big picture as if this is someone else's problem. We have probably relegated responsibility to a mass of sci-fi team that exist in another time and zone, we don't know them, we don't relate to them, we think they are the nerds from school who could never manage to have a girl/ boy friend, they work on some discoveries we use if it's like a Viagra or an mp3 format but who cares what they talk about global warming, recycling, alternative gasoline.
It's not them Sire, but we, who are the Nerds. The geeks who have washed hands off global responsibility. Who live like ostriches in their own dream world of fashion, shopping, golfing, movies, music and emails. As if nothing else but ourselves matter.
My Presentation on the coloured printers needs to print perfect, even if i waste a ream of paper carelessly. I need to dance the morning jig, while the water runs in the basin. My car stereo needs to keep playing, who cares if a gallon of fuel is wasted while i wait to pick up my fiance from outside work. I don't eat this crap, i can dump it. Who cares if teaming millions starve a morsel.
WHO CARES !!! If we don't, why should somebody else for us.
I think its chic to own social responsibilities. Not just be vocal about them but vigilant and contribute our bit, even if our little contribution is in planting a sampling. Every small step goes a long way. Awareness and voicing opinions in a contributory manner is important. The best part of commercialism is that it promotes inventions, discoveries and competition. Superficial but promotional social responsibilities help market certain products. We can at the least support whatever we think is good for the world, be it the next GM H2 car. I get very upset when I think about how oil wells were burnt in the first gulf war. Acrid hedonism and brutal insult to the gifts of nature. How could someone even think of damaging life giving resources so callously. There are many such things that happen around us. We voice our opinions in our domain clusters but when will these Opinions cause a ripple, let alone a renaissance. At least, then we can vouch we are not the ostrich in the farm, who does not get the whole picture.